Monday, September 1, 2008
Lost in Space
Alright, lets get an update on where everybody is located and what they are doing. I am in Mission, BC (a creepy little town an hour outside Vancouver) waiting to get my UK Visa so we can move to Cambridge. We have an interview on September 9th, then we are supposed to send the stuff away, and then sit and wait some more. All I know is I'm supposed to be there October 1st, but the chances of that happening are slim getting slimmer. Also, we had booked out flights on Zoom, which is now defunct. So, besides all that, life is a bowl of cherries.
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Stef and I decided that we couldn't afford to go to England this year. So I've been out of school for 4 years now and I haven't done anything worthwhile with that time (i did submit that paper to JBl and haven't heard back). Basically i've spent 4 years working menial jobs and spending most of my money on biking and tattoos.
When I decided not to got do my PhD I felt a huge wave or relief and happiness. Stef and I instantly knew it was the right decision. But now i'm not sure if I want to get a PhD at all. I might give it a go. But honestly i have little to no desire to read greek or hebrew or read anything biblical studies related lately. I'm totally not sure if i want a phd because of my pride in wanting to have a phd, or if i really do want it and am just scared.
Basically i'm in Edmonton right now. I'm working for a publishing company and that is pretty good for right now. But i don't want to be doing this shit a few years down the road. I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life now.
I guess we'll see what the future holds. But this is where I'm at right now.
Hey man. I'm sorry to hear that. Did you just postpone the Durham offer for another year or did you decline it? I'm glad your feeling relief over the situation, but I'm bummed that I'll be having to drink Guiness by myself (which will probably develop into a problem). I too have been wasting my life away this past year and spending money on tattoos (I just went to Santa Ana and got my sleeves finished up--longsleeve shirts for life baby!) I love you lots and hope things get sorted out.
I didn't postpone this time. I just declined it. They have jerked me around for years. Everytime i have a question or ask for help i get a response a month later and at that point it is too late. But i can't totally blame Durham. It is expensive and i'm not sure i'm ready to commit the money to something i'm not 100% sure i want to do.
The practical fact is that I'm not a christian and I want to do biblical studies. 80% of jobs in biblical studies are at confessional schools. There aren't a lot of jobs out there anyway and I'll already be out of the running for 80%. I just don't like my odds of even being able to get a job out of school.
I've been thinking of doing library studies program and becoming a librarian.
Ya i'm still getting my right arm finished. I have 2 more sessions to go. so long sleeves for me too for the rest of my career. I've been enjoying mountain biking a lot. I go about 4-5 days a week. Stef and I are buying some cross country skis and trying to stay active and enjoy the winter. We are trying to make the best of edmonton. So it isn't that bad. I just wish i knew what i wanted to do with my life. At least i've started to enjoy life, while i'm figuring it out.
I hope things work out for you in getting to go to england. Sorry it's such a pain in the ass. If I do end up doing a phd i might just stay in canada and do it. Keep in touch and let me know how it's going.
Hey man. I'm glad you're enjoying E-town while you're getting life figured out. Library studies would be rad. If you think you'd enjoy it, I'd go for it.
I hear what you're saying about getting a job after a PhD, especially if you won't work at a confessional school. You still haven't given me the down low on everything that happened and how you went from being a Christian at the U of A to not being a Christian. Email me the story or give me a call if you'd like (604) 826-7077. When do you plan on having the sleeves finished? Send me the pics when they are done. Also, if you feel up to it, correct me for the comments I made on your article. I'd like to know your thoughts. Peace, Lorne
Sorry for the relative absence for the last month, but it has been pretty crazy around here. Toronto has been pretty awesome, especially the academic environment. I decided to take second year Hebrew after my game of Hebrew scrabble on the Wycliffe retreat. My only other class is systematics and then I am working on my thesis. Sheryl is working in Labour and Delivery at Mt. Sinai. She is also taking a class on Christian healing at Wycliffe (half price for spouses).
Hi Lorne,
There isn't really a story to tell. I didn't have an unconversion story where one day i felt moved to renounce Jesus as my savior. Over the years I realized how illogical and just plain wrong most christian mythology (theology) is. I hadn't believe in hell for a long time. I began to believe there wasn't a real solid biblical reason for hell or heaven and salvation was a primarily earthy concept, but i still considered myself a christian. I remember concluding the the virgin birth didn't actually happen, but i still considered myself a christian. Then i stopped believing that any miracle and that God couldn't interact with humanity. Then i realized that i'm a logical person and dead people stay dead, that means Jesus. I think the closest i came to a moment when i realized I wasn't was when i went to mass once and i went to say the nicean creed and i decided to just skip/not say the parts i didn't believe. I basically didn't say any of it. That was the moment i really realized i wasn't a christian.
It was a tough realization. Christianity had been something important to my philosophy of life and i was left with an existential and ontological vacuum. But at the same time i knew i was right and it felt good to be honest with myself and to be logically consistent for the first time ever. It was nice to no longer need to make up excuses for the bible and do all the mental gymnastics that necessary to make christianity work and make sense.
It went from there to really evaluating the idea of God. I realized that the christian god, as all gods and the very concept of God was created in man's image to explain the world in a pre-science age. I finally came to the conclusion that there aren't mystical magical men in the sky. In my mind God is like the tooth fairy and santa claus, and I'm embarrassed i believed in it for so long.
There isn't a huge story. it just happened over time. I basically realized that I believe in logic and christianity isn't logical. It doesn't work and all the mental gymnastics i was doing to try to make it work weren't necessary, and the logical answer is the simplest. There isn't a God and christianity is the same as every single other religion. It's just a myth made up for the same reasons all the other ones are.
There are very specific academic things that lead me to many of these conclusions. But this would be a thesis if i wrote them all out. Suffice it to say that my academic study of the bible has lead me to conclude that I cannot believe in christianity.
If you have any more questions email me at ouellette109@hotmail.com.
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